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They stole aspects of neuro-linguistic programming, evolutionary psychology, and some of the techniques of the salesman – the “close”, and so on. They wrote field reports detailing what worked, and what didn't. I put out an appeal online to look for someone who had successfully used negging and would be willing to defend it, and get an immediate response from Dan. “I like to think of it like currency: every insult increases the value of my compliment stock - which I then choose to spent wisely at maximum value and the most opportune moment for maximum effect to make my acquisition.” There it is: “acquisition”. Talk of “targets”, “acquisitions”, “sets” and so on put my teeth on edge.Language has power, and if every interaction with the opposite sex is coloured by a certain vernacular set – in this case the metaphors are all militaristic or hunting ones, perhaps with video games as their origin – then that is likely to colour the way the people who use it think about women at a fundamental level, even if they did not already think of them in this way. The description might be unpleasant, but what is being described is actually quite close to how ordinary flirtatious conversation works. “Your roots are showing,” he says again, gesturing weakly at her hair. It is about control, putting the man in charge of the interaction by pushing the woman to earn his approval. ” You may never have come across this bizarre phenomenon before, but in various forms it is being practised as a seduction technique around the world. The idea is to undermine a woman's confidence by making backhanded or snide remarks – give a compliment with one hand, and take away with the other.Flirtation is not a war, requiring battle-plans and set-pieces, it is just a part of how humans interact with each other.The systematisation of this natural interaction, however, turns it into a manipulative deception. The first are the proper pick-up artists featured in , who use neuro-linguistic and other more serious tricks, a sort of mind-control for seduction, which is creepy because it undermines female agency of choice and control – but also because it appears, at least superficially, to work.
For an average girl (6s, 7s), you don’t want to use value zingers.
“I suppose I would like to think I am an individual,” says Rebecca, who fell for the pick-up artist, “but it turns out in emotional terms I'm depressingly predictable.” The second are those like Dan, who sees himself as using his extant charm as a basis, and simply spicing it up with a few tricks here and there.
The third and most common level consists of the people don't quite understand these theories, but are too shy to approach anyone any other way than with rote lines.
Those two lines in the opening scenario are both real approaches recommended by seductionscience.com, one of a massive range of websites giving advice on this and other pick-up techniques. ” “If your face was as good as your legs I'd have to marry you.” “Nice eyes – even though one is bigger than the other.” “How brave of you to wear an outfit like that,” and even: “You have a great body. ” (The last interviewee adds that she was, at the time, bulimic.) A day spent browsing – which is full of pleasant little tidbits like: “all women will turn into whores and gang-bang the whole football team if you can bring down her anti-slut defense” – is not a happy day.
Someone appears to have given an implicit promise: verbal negativity means sexual success.